I'm holding back the tears>>>> DBSK
www.youtube.com/watch
A picture that gets smeared in white
And my fragrance that seems to have faded away
All get concealed by the glaring cloud
www.youtube.com/watch
A picture that gets smeared in white
And my fragrance that seems to have faded away
All get concealed by the glaring cloud
My heart that has no words
Slowly starts to move my feelings
Those times that slipped through
Are in my hands
I'm holding back the tears
I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart
To a place that is neither close nor far
Where a different me stands
I will not cry
I bring my two hands together again
To a place that will hear it
As I live though these unmemorable times
Though it seems stupid, we’re always together
The pain that I want to let go
Dries the tears that flows through my body
I'm living with my tears
I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart
To a place that is neither close nor far
Where a different me stands
I will not cry
I'm holding back the tears
I run adding to the weight of my faith
To a place that is neither high nor low
Where a different me stands again
With a small smile I can laugh
- Mood:
sad
ok so today is the day when i grow 1 year older. lol!! no big deal to me seriously. hehez. my bros were damn sweet. bought me 2 cuddlies!! lol!! 1 pooh and 1 stuff cheetah. hehez. they wrapped it up nicely and all. aww, so sweet. hehezz. and yeah they wanted to be the first ones to wish me and give me a present. lol!! sweet bros!! the weird thing is they were treating me like a princess yesterday which is damn weird since my birthday is today not yesterday. haha!! they practically forward the whole thing to yesterday since i'll be going home late today since there's band practice. hehezz. so yeah.
the people who i expect to hear from still havent contact me yet. *sigh* but its ok coz the rest still remember my existance. weehee!! so happy birthday to me!! wahaha!!
my classmates gave me a surprise just now. hehezz. YAY i got birthday cake!! weehee!! so happy. lol!! atleast they cheer me up from my emoness. hehez. and the cake is nice!! weehee! *smile* so yeah thanks to my beloved classmates im alright now. hehez. just hope that my day will be better after now. hehez. no more bad luck plz... hehezz. *smile*
the people who i expect to hear from still havent contact me yet. *sigh* but its ok coz the rest still remember my existance. weehee!! so happy birthday to me!! wahaha!!
my classmates gave me a surprise just now. hehezz. YAY i got birthday cake!! weehee!! so happy. lol!! atleast they cheer me up from my emoness. hehez. and the cake is nice!! weehee! *smile* so yeah thanks to my beloved classmates im alright now. hehez. just hope that my day will be better after now. hehez. no more bad luck plz... hehezz. *smile*
thats all for now!! till later if i have the mood to blog again and if there are any more updates. lol!! annyeong!! :))
ok feeling damn bored today. band practice was ok. manageable. class was ok except for the headache that never seem to want to dissappear since the third meeting. *sigh* hate it when that happens. damn irritating! *sigh*
oh well... feel kinda exhausted today. dont know why. maybe coz i wasnt able to get much sleep these days. cant sleep!! *sigh* find it so difficult to shut my eyes coz the next thing i know it opened automatically after a few minutes. and it refuses to close again. feels like there is a timer in my eyes. LOL!! ok lame i know. haha!
hmm. still feel kinda lonely amongst the band members. seems like everyone is drifting away from me. *sigh* i can never stick to someone permanently as a friend except for nazihah. seems like she is the only one who is willing to talk to me now. *sigh* what the hell is wrong with me? that i dont know but i seriously need to find out coz im sick and tired of people avoiding me or people drifting away from me. i want to be close to my band mates. i dont want to feel left out again. gone through that enough. seriously. i know i have hurt some of them in a way but i dont know hwo to make it up to them. *sigh* thats why i feel damn useless sometimes. but i wont give up. i dont want to. i just hope they will forgive me and talk to me from now on coz honestly i miss having someone to talk to. i dont want to feel awkward among them anymore. somehow i miss talking to syuhadah, vanessa and especially hirda. used to atleast have some serious talk with them. now its like everything is history. sad but true. miss them a whole lot. it feels like now i only have nazihah and sarimah around. thank god they are around. hehez. and honestly i do envy them coz they can talk to almost everyone easily and be close to anyone. if only that were to happen to me... *sigh*
i just hope they will want to talk to me soon coz im tired of feeling lonely and hostile. i want to be the happy care free real me and have fun being around them and my section mates. hope my life change for the best in the future. hopefully.
so all i can do now, is hope for the best!! hehezz... annyeong!! :))
- Mood: lonely
started of the day going to the library. dunno why but suddenly in the mood to go there after awhile.haha! weird. anyway went with my brothers. all of them. we went to eat first since we havent had a meal since morning at it was already 11+. so yeah. we were practically starving. hehez. so went to macdonalds at jurong point since its the nearest and its along the way to the library. hehez.
after ordering, i was happily sitting down and was just about to start of with my fillet. when i open the box, found something weird about it. the cheese, 1 slice of it, was outside the burger. haha! weird. it was practically at the side of the burger. right next to it! haha! not only me find it funny but my bros started to laugh to. haha! so went to change it with a new one. hehezz. this time i checked that everything was ok before i left the counter. hehez.
so yeah after that my day was fine. everything was ok and i did enjoy the peace and quiet time that i need in the library. felt really very calm. hehez. my bros were studying. i was the only one buzy fiddleing with my lappy. hehez. too lazy to read any books. hehez.
on our way back, it was raining. good thing one of my bros brought umbrella along. hehez. i was like a princess since i was given the pleasure to use it. LOL!! good thing of being the only sister and being the eldest child. haha!! my bros were like trying to make me laugh all the way with their actions on pretending to be gay and all. LOL!! sometimes i even thought i might fall on my face coz i was laughing too much. haha!! they were so damn hillarious!! seriously!! LOL!! suddenly i realize i havent been so happy and laughing that much for quite awhile. im lucky to have them around. thank god! hehez.. :)
in the late afternoon, my kazzies came over for visiting. yupz still not done yet with hari raya visiting. hehez. anyway, was just able to have a short conversation with my beloved kazzie. wasnt given the chance to talk much. :( miss talking to her to be honest. i feel like sometimes she's just not there for me. ok maybe its just me and my pathetic feelings. hehez. its ok. just miss talking to her thats all. i know she's busy and i understand. just feel at lost sometimes coz sometimes when i need to talk to someone, they are just not there. *sigh* that's life. should get used to it. hehez. think positive gal!! hehez.
went house visiting again in the evening. everything was ok till i finally end up at my uncle's place. yeah i know my uncle is still sick and all but was really shocked with his appearance. his face, his lips. everything. it somehow makes me sad and put me in tears. i couldnt possibly breakdown there coz people will think im weird but i bet i wasnt the only one feeling that way. i saw sadness in his eyes deep down inside. i somehow feel that he knows what im thinking and is forcing me to stop thinking that way coz he suddenly started to tease me. thats what he normally do anyway but this time i feel different. it just feels different. somehow it got me thinking, what if one day he finally leaves us. *sigh* i know his time might be any time. its unpredictable. and its sad. coz it got me thinking about my cousins and makes me wonder how they are feeling seeing their dad like that. in that condition. *sigh* now i just hope that god gives whats best for him and his family. thats all i ever hope for.
and coz of him, i feel grateful to have my family members around and to see them happy, smiling and healthy. i appreciate more with whatever i have and be happy about it. we should be thankful for what we have now coz we may never know what might happen in the future. and we never know how long we will stay happy and have our loved ones around us. so cherish every moment with them. be thankful with it and dont waste the moments you have with them. hehez. thats what i learn. hehez. :))
ok enough with all that. hehezz. thats all i gotta throw out. haha!! annyeong!! :))
after ordering, i was happily sitting down and was just about to start of with my fillet. when i open the box, found something weird about it. the cheese, 1 slice of it, was outside the burger. haha! weird. it was practically at the side of the burger. right next to it! haha! not only me find it funny but my bros started to laugh to. haha! so went to change it with a new one. hehezz. this time i checked that everything was ok before i left the counter. hehez.
so yeah after that my day was fine. everything was ok and i did enjoy the peace and quiet time that i need in the library. felt really very calm. hehez. my bros were studying. i was the only one buzy fiddleing with my lappy. hehez. too lazy to read any books. hehez.
on our way back, it was raining. good thing one of my bros brought umbrella along. hehez. i was like a princess since i was given the pleasure to use it. LOL!! good thing of being the only sister and being the eldest child. haha!! my bros were like trying to make me laugh all the way with their actions on pretending to be gay and all. LOL!! sometimes i even thought i might fall on my face coz i was laughing too much. haha!! they were so damn hillarious!! seriously!! LOL!! suddenly i realize i havent been so happy and laughing that much for quite awhile. im lucky to have them around. thank god! hehez.. :)
in the late afternoon, my kazzies came over for visiting. yupz still not done yet with hari raya visiting. hehez. anyway, was just able to have a short conversation with my beloved kazzie. wasnt given the chance to talk much. :( miss talking to her to be honest. i feel like sometimes she's just not there for me. ok maybe its just me and my pathetic feelings. hehez. its ok. just miss talking to her thats all. i know she's busy and i understand. just feel at lost sometimes coz sometimes when i need to talk to someone, they are just not there. *sigh* that's life. should get used to it. hehez. think positive gal!! hehez.
went house visiting again in the evening. everything was ok till i finally end up at my uncle's place. yeah i know my uncle is still sick and all but was really shocked with his appearance. his face, his lips. everything. it somehow makes me sad and put me in tears. i couldnt possibly breakdown there coz people will think im weird but i bet i wasnt the only one feeling that way. i saw sadness in his eyes deep down inside. i somehow feel that he knows what im thinking and is forcing me to stop thinking that way coz he suddenly started to tease me. thats what he normally do anyway but this time i feel different. it just feels different. somehow it got me thinking, what if one day he finally leaves us. *sigh* i know his time might be any time. its unpredictable. and its sad. coz it got me thinking about my cousins and makes me wonder how they are feeling seeing their dad like that. in that condition. *sigh* now i just hope that god gives whats best for him and his family. thats all i ever hope for.
and coz of him, i feel grateful to have my family members around and to see them happy, smiling and healthy. i appreciate more with whatever i have and be happy about it. we should be thankful for what we have now coz we may never know what might happen in the future. and we never know how long we will stay happy and have our loved ones around us. so cherish every moment with them. be thankful with it and dont waste the moments you have with them. hehez. thats what i learn. hehez. :))
ok enough with all that. hehezz. thats all i gotta throw out. haha!! annyeong!! :))
- Mood:
thankful
hello!! hehezz.. yeah feeling kinda crazy right now. haha!! crazy over a song that i keep repeating the whole day without getting bored over it. especially the music vid. haha!! i've been playing the same music vid over and over again since yesterday. wahaha!! yeah hooked up with it. i cant download the vid! boohoo... so damn pissed coz of that. argh! i seriously need to get my hands on that vid or i'll end up thinking about it all day and letting the vid play in my mind nonstop. haha! actually its already happening. haha!! MIROTIC!! WEEHEE!! seriously i think im going crazy over that vid. haha! ok i think im going crazy over the song and the band already. hehez. DONG BANG SHIN KI HWAITING!! WOOHOO!! think im going to end up buying the cd after all since its very tempting. hehez. yeah. haha! so have to save up for their album as soon as i can. hehezz. ok i know im crazy over them now. but dont worry im still ok. still able to manage my craziness. haha!! ok guess the old crazy side of me is back. haha! s good luck in facing the real me people!! woohoo!!
ok here's the link for the vid im crazy for... haha!! enjoy!! :))
www.youtube.com/watch
ps: sorry for laughing too much. dont mind me. hehezz. :))
thats all people!! annyeong!! :))
ok here's the link for the vid im crazy for... haha!! enjoy!! :))
www.youtube.com/watch
ps: sorry for laughing too much. dont mind me. hehezz. :))
thats all people!! annyeong!! :))
- Mood:
crazy
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Music Playlist at MixPod.com
happy i'm finally free from his grip. hehezz. now i can finally be myself and enjoy to the fullest with my friends and family. YAY!!!
right now i'm in class getting bored over the discussions and i dont know why. maybe coz im still in the mood of hari raya. or maybe coz i havent been celebrating that much. as in i havent enjoyed my hari raya yet. hehez. feeling damn down and stressed out over some personal issues so yeah. and my parents havent the mood to celebrate that much too coz of the stupid issue. thanks to me who spoiled the mood of hari raya. *sigh*
anyway, surprisingly i havent shed a tear these few days. good though. hehez. all i want to do is to be happy and make my parents proud. i know i have let them down and cause so much trouble for them. i know that i can be quite a burden for them. and i know that they will do anything just for me coz they love me so much and moreover im the only girl they have. i did regret for all the things that i caused them. but i cant fully regret it as it is a stepping stone for me. a turning point. something for me to learn and to think of before i make a decision in the future. yeah. so it is a learning lesson for me.
i should forgive. i might not forget about it but i should forgive him. it will take some time but it has to happen in order for me to move on. as for now, im still trying to cope with my life. i still feel kinda unstable and there is still the feeling of fear inside of me. so yeah. it will take while for me to adjust so i have to bear with this and get over it as soon as i can. hehez. so i hope you guys understand why im kinda emo now.
so hope for the best for me people!!
annyeong!! :)
- Mood:
okay
today is the day when everything is out in the open. today is when i asked forgiveness from others especially my parents. i have dissappoint them so much that i feel so damn guilty. *sigh* oh well what else can i do but just to not let history repeats itself.
finally told them what i have kept as a secret for so long. something that i should have not done long ago. should have listened to their advice right from the start. argh!! have to stop being so damn stubborn. they wanted whats best for me but in the end i destroyed it myself. damn useless. *sigh*
the secret that i have kept from them is about me being in a relationship which ends up in ruins coz that pethatic idiot started to show violence at me. should have left him right from the start before it becomes more worst. me and my stupidity. *sigh* oh well, whats done is done. i cant change my past. all i have is the present and the future. i will do whats best for me and think wisely from now on. seriously have to get rid of the stubborn attitude. need to wake up!! hehezz.
glad i have such wonderful understanding and loving parents. thank god i have them with me. and not forgetting all my friends and relatives. especially my dearest kazzie... hehezz. love you all so very deeply!! hehezz.
k then till next time. so damn tired right now coz of too much house visiting... hehezz.
tata!! annyeong!! :)
finally told them what i have kept as a secret for so long. something that i should have not done long ago. should have listened to their advice right from the start. argh!! have to stop being so damn stubborn. they wanted whats best for me but in the end i destroyed it myself. damn useless. *sigh*
the secret that i have kept from them is about me being in a relationship which ends up in ruins coz that pethatic idiot started to show violence at me. should have left him right from the start before it becomes more worst. me and my stupidity. *sigh* oh well, whats done is done. i cant change my past. all i have is the present and the future. i will do whats best for me and think wisely from now on. seriously have to get rid of the stubborn attitude. need to wake up!! hehezz.
glad i have such wonderful understanding and loving parents. thank god i have them with me. and not forgetting all my friends and relatives. especially my dearest kazzie... hehezz. love you all so very deeply!! hehezz.
k then till next time. so damn tired right now coz of too much house visiting... hehezz.
tata!! annyeong!! :)
- Mood: relieved
ello people!! haha!! to all my friends out there sorry for this. im refering to the dissappearing of my previous blog. hehezz. actually it wasnt the works of me but it was by some idiot whom i dont want to mention. hehezz. sorry for that. dont mind me yeah. hehezz.
ok so im starting a fresh with everything from now on. right now im so freaking pissed with some idiot who made me suffer all this while so yeah. hehezz. dont mind me if im exploding too much. im just so pissed with that person that i have say all of this out. hehez. yeah i know this is my first entry so yay! haha!! ok sorry being random again. haha!! just hope that everything in my life will turn out right soon coz right now i feel like im going crazy coz too much things in my life is happening. *sigh* and today is hari raya but i dont feel like celebrating at all. maybe its because ive done too many sins and all i can do now is ask for forgiveness. yeah i am a mere human after all. i know i have done a lot of mistakes. i have hurt lots of people in the long run. my life is full of mistakes. but no matter how much i want to i cant turn back time. so all the best to me and my future.
so to all my beloved friends and fellow muslims around the world.. Selamat hari raya aidilfitri.... and forgive me if i have ever hurt you in any way... love ya!! :) *winks*
- Mood:
pissed off
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